Alpharad’s Scorpion Queen — The Modern Comedian’s Brilliance Translated to Music
For the mess that it was, 2020’s had pretty great music. Everyone walked away with something to listen to. RTJ4, Folklore and Evermore, and Shore are just a few of the impressive releases to come from the year ripped straight from Hell. If there’s one thing good to come from being told to sit around and twiddle your thumbs while the sky is falling, it’s that creators will create. And oh boy, the musicians came out in full-force this year.
Not only did they put on a show, but there were some great plot twists. Aminé puts out Limbo, and this kid goofing off with friends talking about bananas had matured into a serious artist confused about how to be happy. Taylor Swift not only does a feature with Bon Iver, but also drops a surprise sequel album for the holidays. Anderson Paak is dropping singles, hinting at a return that’s bound to be one of the fiercest in ’21.
And then people who made their living as video game players started to make music.
What?
As strange and as postmodern as that sentence reads, I’ll even one-up it. Video game content creators have been putting out good music; some of the best today, even against some heavy competition.
Sure, I’m biased. I like these people. I watch their videos. I find them funny. I’ve enjoyed them on some other medium they’ve done, so yes I’m coming in more willing to accept whatever they throw at me.
But let me tell you something I know: “Scorpion Queen” is one of the best modern rock songs.
All of Ace of Heart’s discography is worth a listen, and if you need a sample, here’s their latest EP Scorpion Queen posted on Alpharad’s YouTube Channel. Alpharad has 2.1 million subscribers, but not for music content. He posts funny, edited gaming videos which consistently rack up a few million views.
It sounds foolish and goofy. It is. Maybe I’m a nerd who overanalyzes things he likes to get a kick while he passes the time, but I think he’s got a real appeal that leans into the stigma gaming content creators get. There was a period of videos where he’d toss the word ironic around in a way which had me eyerolling every single time. I mean I’m not going to argue with someone over vocabulary like if it’s sarcasm or irony or wit. I just never thought ‘irony’ quite captured what he was doing. It felt like he was doing more.
A Note About Humor
What makes humor what it is, I think, is that it’s giving us something for our brain to dwell on that’s just out of reach for you. Your brain tries to figure out some thing, but it can’t quite explain it to the you that thinks and talks and has preferences and identity and all-that. So it tells you to shut up and chuckle or laugh or snort, and to just ride out that weird sensation you’re feeling. The more that’s packed into our brain-highs when we laugh without us catching on, the funnier the joke.
And Alpharad’s humor feeds us something simple, yet deep. And dark. Dark humor works because of that sick little jolt you get when you come just close enough to understanding that life is hell. Like, actual hell. He’ll be doing something common, and then unexpectedly throw out some bizarre antic just to do it. It pushes the right button that would send one into a state of dread, if that state of dread hadn’t been rubbed in our faces every day for the past year. He’ll look to show how something we assume is true or that we assume is valuable really isn’t, and how stupid some of us, most (if not all) of us really are because of these beliefs.
In one video, he goes outside to exercise after being quarantined. The video ends up poking fun at people who post on social media about their challenges in a way that’s boastful, even if there was a positive message to be taken, and how we have to turn even something like COVID into an ego-thing.
There’s another bit at the end where he talks about being so in shape that he can launch his phone far, and the camera view becomes what I would imagine looking out the window of a spiraling plane would be like. Maybe he threw it, maybe not; he would have the money to buy a new one if he wanted to, and that would be a way to get content out of replacing a phone. It would be something he does for the content, and he’ll often throw in references to being meta and to doing content for content’s sake. Maybe it’ll be funny, maybe it won’t be. Maybe he’ll be proud of it, maybe he won’t be. Maybe it’ll be a hit, maybe it won’t be. But people will watch it, he will get ad revenue, people will enjoy it and get enjoyment, even if he gets nothing out of it. Haha, he is the funny-man.
As our brain picks up on little stories and viewpoints like this, we adapt to see the world. The more we laugh at how pointless a phone is despite our attachment to it, or at how the world is ending and we can do nothing about it because we are powerless, or how you can make such good money as a content creator and still be shamed because nobody with grey hair is going to treat you like an adult because they don’t understand how the internet works, the more we become exposed to the flaws of the world. But it’s presented in a way that doesn’t make us worry about it. And that’s how to make the best joke. Pull a knife across our minds. Scrape it. Send fear through our neurons. Make them light up and work through something dark and terrifying and awful, that we should never have to think about. And make sure that while all this is happening, I never know about it. And Alpharad does this to a tee.
I doubt it’s intentional, especially because his humor has such rich variety, but many of his jokes can be seen in a formula. Take something established, either find something absurd about it or put it in an absurd situation, drive it in to an appropriate amount. It works, and he makes different and unique and hilarious wisecracks, but he does so by pulling from an endless jar labeled THINGS WE’RE TOO STUPID TO REALIZE ARE POINTLESS.
I don’t think it’s so much a formula to beat a dead horse and sellout like Young Adult fiction or pop music, but one that arises from patterns. You know a Tarantino movie’s got coffee, feet, and Sam Jackson. You can tell a Jack White song by the guitar. An Alpharad joke is distinguishable by its overly-exaggerated and overly self-referential tone spilling some dreaded truth about meaningless or how awful we are as people.
But he’s funny. And he’s really funny. And he’s funny precisely because of these patterns. He sees connections. He pulls at the right strings the right amount, and knows how to apply some more tension with a zoom-in or to ease off with a simple, silly audio clip. He’s an artist.
And he brings this craftsmanship to Ace of Hearts.
Wow.
Scorpion Queen
You want to talk about a great song? You want to talk about an absolute banger of a track?
I’ll admit, the first time I listened to this song, I groaned at the beginning. I think everyone does when they hear it. This is a song that requires a second listen, and when you give it one, it’ll blow you away. Well, it’ll blow some of us away, if you’re lucky enough to feel the absolute gem of emotion and experience that Ace of Hearts packages into this six minute track.
Maybe it takes living through to get it, but many at least know a sucker who’s been through the tale. It’s about a lonely, desperate guy who wants attention and affection and a pretty girl who cares even the slightest bit about him. That want becomes a need, and that need pushes to a woman that chews him up and spits him out.
It’s a rough spot to be in. Get you blackout drunk during Finals rough spot to be in. Trust me. And on my second listen, that’s where I appreciated the gruff of the introduction a bit more. He’s wallowing, and wallowing isn’t pretty. That’s what the moans are. This is my life. I’m stuck here. I’ve felt that sound. And that’s impressive.
Again, maybe I’m just a guy overanalyzes what he likes. Maybe there’s a progression in this song, where the first listen puts you in a state of fine discomfort. This sounds good, so I can look past the parts that don’t shine. Not everything is perfect in the intro, and it’s not supposed to be. I know the band can make catchy hooks, “Fool For You” nails it.
But you’re not supposed to feel like this is some completely great song. You’re supposed to feel that shakiness, that hesitation, and with those whines the misery that comes with just being in that situation. Where at any moment, you have no clue what you’re doing, or who you are, or why you’re with this person when you know they don’t care about you. You’re simply there to provide them care, because every now and then they get in the mood to make someone feel good, and nobody hotter has hit them up yet. So they turn to you, because you’re cute enough and always willing to adore them, no matter how much they stomp on you in return. All because every now and then, they’ll look at you with doll-eyes.
It ain’t great.
But then the narrator starts to open up what he feels and really dig into the nails in his chest. As Johnny Manchild takes over, the drums get a bit more kick to them, and we get the beginning of a guitar that’ll become a more prominent piece of the instrumental later. And then backing vocals and horns and the true feelings, the release comes out.
“Scorpion Queen, get away from me!”
And Alpharad/Jacob takes back in the second verse, still down in the dumps, still sad. But it’s got some of the momentum from that chorus, because once you make the realization that you need to get out, no amount of desperation is keeping you there for long. So even as the singer lets himself fall back into the trap, his trip is only going to sting him back to what he needs to know.
And then there’s three minutes of the chorus, and the drums and the guitar from earlier in full force. We get this full jam, and it’s this build-up of this want to be with someone even if it means suffering and this want to be free and to feel the music.
And to finish, we have no guitar, no harsh drums, just beautiful, harmonious singing. A freedom. He gets away.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Wow.
I can’t do the song the justice it deserves. All I can tell you to do is to listen to it two or four or seven times, or however many times it takes to Stockholm Syndrome the sound into your brain. To feel his liberation from himself.
It does take a second listen. The latter half doesn’t grow more impressive. Sure, you’ll notice intricacies that you didn’t, but as you understand its place in the track, you’re not walking away with anything more. It’s a jam. That intro matures as you see what it is. Nobody should ever enjoy it at first, but after picking up that the music is the feeling, it’s something that I can respect with each listen.
I never saw it coming from one of my favorite gaming content makers. The rest of the album is pretty good as well. “Your Name” has an old, gloom vibe that reeks of nostalgia. The feature from Adriana Figueroa really drives this feel in more. The entire second half of the track doesn’t bring in anything new, but plays around with elements from the first, and makes it so much groovier. I also think this is Jacob’s most impressive track from all of what I’ve seen of his singing, though it only comes out in small bursts. All this from a fun track about two drunk lovers who wake up with this hope of the good life with the beautiful soul they bonded with the night before. It starts off gentle as they wake up lost, but this turns into a fiery passion as they drink their nights away, hoping to one day find the heart they once found their home in.
“All the Rain” is good. It’s a really important song. The vocals are done in a specific way, and there’s a lot of vocalists that substitute some of the sing-songiness of verses in order to talk on something more deep and personal and serious and to make the focus be the words themselves and not the sound of the words. I get it. I personally wish we could have gotten more of that ending push of a bridge, but hey. It’s an important song talking about being unsatisfied in a relationship when that relationship is only because of security. You could be happier, but you’re afraid, so you’re spending your life with this person now.
Notes Going Forward
The band has a lot to say if you’re willing to listen. Some of that is due to the creativity and the wit that Jacob brings that’s present in his humor as Alpharad. He’s got enough of a take on life that he’s beyond worth listening to, and I think for many of us (especially anyone who creates for a living), that’s the goal. Ace of Hearts isn’t doing anything groundbreaking anytime soon, but they’ve really got the potential. Two impressive EPs have been put out as first attempts.
I’d like to see what happens if they’d be willing to dig a bit deeper into being blunt and deeper. There’s a show-don’t-tell aspect to a lot of their music, but I don’t want to pick up on a message or the meaning of their songs through the style. I want to be told poetry that’s funny and weird and comes off like Cake meets David Byrne meets Penelope Scott. The band has personality, and I understand why Jacob isn’t the main focus in most of it, but if they let some more of his brain spill out a bit more unapologetically, their next project could be wise.
I get not wanting to display all the skeletons in your closet, especially when you make money off being a figure. It feels like something is missing, because we aren’t getting Alpharad. And that doesn’t come from a funny joke that can be traced to some point about a loss of meaning or a cruelty of life, but it comes from making connections about how the pieces work, and being able to manipulate them. These proved that they could sound great, but let me hear them sound great and blow my mind away.
I know they can. And when he’s had to get serious before, he’s hinted at having to go through some pretty deep internal struggles. When they come out in his jokes, they make you go yikes, but it’s a zinger. I’m reminded of when his fanbase (gaming attracts many younger and immature audiences; those are not always mutual) would jokingly harass others, and he went on a rant to get them to stop. And he goes on about the power imbalances he’s had to come to terms with as a creator, mostly after making innocent jokes at people’s expenses and having a horde of ‘fans’ make them suffer for no reason than a piece of content, even though it was harmless in the first place.
Give me this. Watsky’s made more than his fair share of songs about stage diving and breaking a girl’s bone, but that’s because you can write about a true struggle a million ways. Sure, give me the fun, kickass rock songs like Scorpion Queen. But take me on a journey about what it’s like to be one of the biggest, fattest fish, but to still be so small to the whales of the sea that run the world. Make me think about what it’s like to have your entire success be from something you can’t tangibly show people. You just have to point to a computer and go I’m big on the Internet. Show me the unintended consequences. Show me the grit.
Let Alpharad be funny. I’ll still want my Ace of Hearts album that shows the psyche of the clown.
But anyways, they’re good. Damn good. And if you like rock and you’re feeling a bit starved for new releases, give them a try. You won’t walk away disappointed. I know that scheduling is always hard, and with the way things have been going, I don’t know when to expect the next Ace of Hearts music drop.
I know I’ll be expecting it, though.
